How to Dump Her…Nicely

At some point in our lives, we are faced with the difficult decision of breaking up with the person that we care about deeply, but no longer love. The question most people ask is how to break up with the person without causing too much pain, or psychological damage.

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Most men feel too guilty to break up with their girlfriend, postpone it until a later date, and delay the inevitable. Other men simply drop the bomb coldly, without any notice. A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner.

It also helps to be nice about the breakup, because you never know who your ex will be talking to (her friends, your boss, potential girlfriends).

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THE DUMPER
As the dumper, breaking up is never easy, especially when you are consumed with guilt. You start to regret making all those promises about riding off with her into the sunset. Breaking up with your girlfriend is a time of disillusionment, primarily because you never planned to break up with her in the first place.

Some men feel guilty about hurting the other person, and torture themselves by staying in the same sticky situation. This is unfair to the man as well as the woman. Remember that if the happiness in the relationship just isn’t there for you, then it’s probably not there for her either – she just hasn’t realized it yet.

Maybe she is too comfortable to make a decision. Don’t feel guilty about breaking up, because you’ll only be saving both of you a lot of trouble in the long run.

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THE DUMPING
There is no easy way out. The ignore her ’till she goes away approach never works. There is no closure for her, and therapy sessions will soon follow. The I think you’re a great girl and I don’t deserve you line will seem okay to her at first, but later she will be devastated when she realizes that you lied because you were just being nice.

Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

Breaking up is hard to do, but there is only one way to break up with someone; in person. If you don’t, you are a coward who obviously has neither the integrity, nor the sincerity, to tell her that your relationship is over.

Telling her in person is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but rather, in the flesh . Also, tell her ahead of time that you need to talk . This gives her a clue that something is up, and will allow her to prepare for what is coming.

She might get emotional when you tell her the sad truth, so you might want to break up with her in the public eye. This will make it easier for you to get your full message across before she interrupts you by crying.

I suggest that you invite her out for lunch at the same place you first met. The symbolic significance of your relationship having come full circle can help in the closure process of getting over the breakup.

When telling her the awful truth, come clean, and be sure to keep a serious face. Say the words sincerely, leave no room for doubt, and never back down- especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible. There is no room for any white washing or delaying. That will only make matters worse, and further prolong your agony.

THE DUMPEE
As the dumpee , the dreams of riding off with her man into the sunset have suddenly been shattered, and her plans for the future have suffered a severe blow. Suddenly, life does not seem worth living any more. Everyone thinks that his or her own breakup is unique, and must have been the most traumatic one in history.

The truth of the matter is, breakups always follow the same pattern, and life does go on. The dumpee will meet new people, have new experiences, and her breakup will be but a distant memory, a signpost in your colorful life.

Going through a bad breakup, and surviving it, really gives you a jaded, cynical outlook on life, whether you were the dumper, or the dumpee . It’s possible that you’ll both feel that the sky is no longer as blue, and that the grass will never be as green, especially right after the breakup. Nothing is ever the way you expected it to turn out. Breaking up is no different.

The most difficult part is how to deal with the person that was just dumped. Do you call them up and ask them if they’re okay? Do you stay friends? Do you talk to them on the phone?

The best thing to do after a breakup is to not do anything. Don’t call the dumpee back, because you’ll be giving her mixed messages. Give her the time to recuperate from the breakup, (three months to one year). If she calls you back, talk to her nicely, but don’t show that you’re still interested.

The worst thing you could do to another person after breaking up with them, is pretend that you still want to get cozy with them for just one more night. When it’s over, keep it that way, and don’t leave any room for doubt.

Source: askmen